God, this week was rough. We had a snow day on Monday, and that threw me off completely. This week I've noticed that I'm an extremely obsessive person. Yes, it definitely has it's perks. It's like extreme perfectionism for me. But it's also causing a lot of problems. I can't seem to get things done in a timely manor becuase I'm obsessing over details. Before this week I'd never had reason to notice the patterns, and I think I might talk to Mrs. Mielke about that as well. The thought of me having OCD on top of my other problems is both terrifying and relieving all at once. Anyways, yeah, the snow day threw me off. I knew that I'd be missing Wednesday, but after the long weekend I (compulsively) just decided to take Tuesday off to help my boyfriend with some errands before we had to go out of town. That was stupid. I had originally planned on using the day to get my schoolwork for Wednesday from my teachers, but instead I just screwed myself over and ended up with two days worth of work, on top of the assignment I forgot last week. I also noticed that the more I avoid my problems at school, the more I avoid the ones at home. The more I avoid, the more my depression acts up, and that's when everything starts to feel like it's crumbling. Even when I constantly remind myself that it's not. Usually I can recognize the signs of a bad week/day/time beforehand, but it's hardest to pull myself up and dust myself off when I've been laying in the mud for so long. I just need to learn to stay out of the pig pen.
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Weeeeeeeeeeeelllll. Last week was good. I think? The substitute teacher we had on Friday didn't say anything to us but her name, so it slipped my mind completely that we needed to get our weekly blog done. I think my grade probably took a bit of a shot for that one. I would have gotten it done but I was too excited about the plans I had for the weekend to focus on schoolwork. I need to work on my focus overall. Other than that, last week was great. I had gotten caught up with my schoolwork, I was excited for the project we're working on in here, and I was overall gaining more confidence in my new home. Time seems to be off for me lately. I have a hard time remembering things that took place a week, sometimes even a day ago. I'm not sure how I should go about dealing with that. I also should have found time to talk to my counsellor. I avoided my problems last week to try and make my weekend better, but in the midst of avoidance I really just set myself up for twice the stress. This week was a bit rough for me. I struggled with the new schedule and ended up hitting a few bumps along the way. And, unfortunately, with those bumps came missing a couple days of class. It didn't really effect me academically, but it still bothered me nonetheless. I ended up missing most of the lessons in this class, which made it difficult for me to relate with the other students as I had missed vital information that couldn't be found in a textbook. I'm also finding that the biggest controversies I face are with myself, despite my insistence of otherwise. My initial judgments for this class have gradually changed throughout the week, and with that I've also been noticing how judgmental I really am. This realization was actually pretty unnerving to me, because I've spent a majority of my time trying to avoid passing judgment altogether. Hopefully now that I'm aware of the problem it'll be easier to correct. I've also (finally) began to realize that it really is okay to seek help, despite the cliches that come with doing so. Sometimes I just need to suck up my pride and get things done, because that's really what being an adult is about, right? On a side note, the bitter child part of me is super unhappy lately because this growing up part of me is realizing the people who raised me were right about a lot of things. Who'da thought? The irony is almost too much for me. So, at least for now, I'm thoughtfully sarcastic, happily unhappy, and cautiously optimistic. |